Feedback: Grab the Bull by the Horns

The Human-Centric Leader Series: Part 3

I recently met with a colleague of twenty years. As we reflected on the arc of our shared history, he noted that one of the things he has always appreciated about our friendship is the fact that I give him honest feedback—something he finds surprisingly rare in his experience. His observation echoes a situation I often encounter when working with leaders.

For many, the word “feedback” makes the hairs stand up on the back of their neck. Too often, feedback is delivered poorly — as a one-way transmission of judgment. But at its best, feedback is a form of deep collaboration: a two-way conversation where both parties learn from each other’s experiences and perspectives. It is a mutual discovery of how to make things better, while remaining grateful for the other person’s contributions and unique views. Viewing feedback through this lens — as the very thing that makes growth possible – removes some of the needless negative connotations around what is ultimately improvement and growth. When we are inspired by what is possible, we find the courage to speak honestly and collaboratively, and this in turn narrows the gap between where we are and where we could be.

It’s important to remember that high performers crave direction and collaboration. When you withhold feedback to keep things comfortable, you appear to be accepting less than someone’s best. Being truly supportive means caring enough about their success, and the growth of the team, to give them the information they need to thrive.

To do this effectively, we must move away from hoarding feedback for an annual review — which turns the conversation into a surprise verdict — and toward “micro-dosing”. Whether you use the SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact) model or another framework for framing your messages, we recommend anchoring feedback conversations in observable facts and delivering them in frequent, simple, low-stakes course corrections. This way, there are never any surprises in an annual review, because everything that matters has already been said.

Feedback is optimally a two-way dialogue where both parties learn from each other’s experiences and perspectives. Viewing this mutual discovery process not as a reprimand, but as essential to creating great results, drives leaders to grow their teams’ potential, while maintaining gratitude for their contributions. Anything less is not true leadership.